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AN AFFAIR-PROOF MARRIAGE
AN AFFAIR-PROOF MARRIAGE
By Pastor Duane VanderKlok
Affection, intimacy, fulfillment- everyone wants to experience these in life. Single or married, young or old, you have an inner longing to be close to someone. This would not be a problem except our society has been flooded with false information about intimacy and sex. People have come to believe that God is a prude, so they neglect His advice and end up in adultery. God is not trying to keep something from you, He’s trying to get something good to you. He’s looking out for your best interests so you can enjoy an intimate relationship with your spouse. Be wise, and take steps now to build an affair-proof marriage.
WHAT CAUSES AFFAIRS?
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:14 that adultery is a trap. The reason a trap works is because it takes its victims by surprise. People fall into the trap of adultery when they don’t recognize and address the unmet needs of their spouse or when there is unresolved conflict in their marriage. Unfulfilled or unrealistic expectations and self-image problems can make people vulnerable to an affair.
PREVENTING AFFAIRS
You can avoid the trap satan has set by applying the truth of God’s word. Here are some important steps to affair-proof your marriage.
1. Commit to God’s Standard
Proverbs 5:15 makes God’s standard very clear when it says, “Be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone.” Sex is not an unmentionable subject with God. He created us giving the sexual relationship to His people as a gift. Sex in marriage is holy and right within the confines of marriage. Satan’s lie says, “We love each other so it’s okay to have sex.” That’s not what God says. His standard is that sex is for you and your spouse to enjoy after you are married, not before marriage and not outside marriage.
2. Consider The Consequences>
Think of the consequences you will face if you are unfaithful to your spouse.
Proverbs 6:32 says, “The one who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys
his own soul.” Proverbs 6:26 says, “A prostitute will bring a man to poverty, and an
adulteress may cost him his very life.” God does not want you to have sex outside
the safety of marriage. Beyond the obvious potential of sexually transmitted disease
and unplanned pregnancy, adultery will hurt your spouse and your children. And it
will tear you up on the inside, destroying your very soul.
3. Maintain Your Marriage
1 Corinthians 7:3 says, “A man should fulfill his duty as a husband and a woman
should fulfill he duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other’s needs. “When the emotional and sexual needs of our spouse are not being met, it is easier for them to be attracted to someone else who will meet them. The Bible tells in I Peter 3:7, “Live with your wife according to knowledge.” Literally it means you should find out what her needs are and meet them. This is written to men, but the same is true for women.
Most husbands and wives don’t have a clue s to what their spouse need. Basically, men are looking for sexual fulfillment, a recreational companion, an attractive spouse, domestic support and honor.
Women, on the other hand, need non-sexual affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support and family commitment. Love each other on purpose and choose to do your part to meet your spouse’s needs.
4. Manage Your Mind.
Affairs always start in the mind. James 1:14-15 says, “Temptation is the pull of man’s own evil thoughts and wishes. These thoughts lead to evil actions and afterwards the death penalty from God.” Your own thoughts have the potential to set you on a destructive path. When you repeatedly follow that path in your mind and actions, a habit of sinful actions is set in motion in your life. Isaiah 55:7 says, “Let the wicked man forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: Let him return to the Lord.” People often think something is wicked only if they do it, but notice it says that both the ways and the thoughts must be forsaken. Keep your thoughts pure and your actions will also be pure. If you allow yourself to fantasize about someone, the next thing you know, you will become emotionally involved with them. That type of an emotional relationship can easily escalate to physical involvement. Pretty soon you are head over heels in an adulterous relationship and are rationalizing the affair.
Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked: Who can know it? You may think and say things like: “I just married the wrong person; If only my spouse met my needs I wouldn’t need someone else; Just one more time; God will forgive me, He wants me happy; This is my spiritual spouse.” These are all just rationalizations, and each one puts you deeper and deeper into the pit.
Part 2 to be continued.
By Pastor Duane VanderKlok
By Pastor Duane VanderKlok
Affection, intimacy, fulfillment- everyone wants to experience these in life. Single or married, young or old, you have an inner longing to be close to someone. This would not be a problem except our society has been flooded with false information about intimacy and sex. People have come to believe that God is a prude, so they neglect His advice and end up in adultery. God is not trying to keep something from you, He’s trying to get something good to you. He’s looking out for your best interests so you can enjoy an intimate relationship with your spouse. Be wise, and take steps now to build an affair-proof marriage.
WHAT CAUSES AFFAIRS?
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:14 that adultery is a trap. The reason a trap works is because it takes its victims by surprise. People fall into the trap of adultery when they don’t recognize and address the unmet needs of their spouse or when there is unresolved conflict in their marriage. Unfulfilled or unrealistic expectations and self-image problems can make people vulnerable to an affair.
PREVENTING AFFAIRS
You can avoid the trap satan has set by applying the truth of God’s word. Here are some important steps to affair-proof your marriage.
1. Commit to God’s Standard
Proverbs 5:15 makes God’s standard very clear when it says, “Be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone.” Sex is not an unmentionable subject with God. He created us giving the sexual relationship to His people as a gift. Sex in marriage is holy and right within the confines of marriage. Satan’s lie says, “We love each other so it’s okay to have sex.” That’s not what God says. His standard is that sex is for you and your spouse to enjoy after you are married, not before marriage and not outside marriage.
2. Consider The Consequences>
Think of the consequences you will face if you are unfaithful to your spouse.
Proverbs 6:32 says, “The one who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys
his own soul.” Proverbs 6:26 says, “A prostitute will bring a man to poverty, and an
adulteress may cost him his very life.” God does not want you to have sex outside
the safety of marriage. Beyond the obvious potential of sexually transmitted disease
and unplanned pregnancy, adultery will hurt your spouse and your children. And it
will tear you up on the inside, destroying your very soul.
3. Maintain Your Marriage
1 Corinthians 7:3 says, “A man should fulfill his duty as a husband and a woman
should fulfill he duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other’s needs. “When the emotional and sexual needs of our spouse are not being met, it is easier for them to be attracted to someone else who will meet them. The Bible tells in I Peter 3:7, “Live with your wife according to knowledge.” Literally it means you should find out what her needs are and meet them. This is written to men, but the same is true for women.
Most husbands and wives don’t have a clue s to what their spouse need. Basically, men are looking for sexual fulfillment, a recreational companion, an attractive spouse, domestic support and honor.
Women, on the other hand, need non-sexual affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support and family commitment. Love each other on purpose and choose to do your part to meet your spouse’s needs.
4. Manage Your Mind.
Affairs always start in the mind. James 1:14-15 says, “Temptation is the pull of man’s own evil thoughts and wishes. These thoughts lead to evil actions and afterwards the death penalty from God.” Your own thoughts have the potential to set you on a destructive path. When you repeatedly follow that path in your mind and actions, a habit of sinful actions is set in motion in your life. Isaiah 55:7 says, “Let the wicked man forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: Let him return to the Lord.” People often think something is wicked only if they do it, but notice it says that both the ways and the thoughts must be forsaken. Keep your thoughts pure and your actions will also be pure. If you allow yourself to fantasize about someone, the next thing you know, you will become emotionally involved with them. That type of an emotional relationship can easily escalate to physical involvement. Pretty soon you are head over heels in an adulterous relationship and are rationalizing the affair.
Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked: Who can know it? You may think and say things like: “I just married the wrong person; If only my spouse met my needs I wouldn’t need someone else; Just one more time; God will forgive me, He wants me happy; This is my spiritual spouse.” These are all just rationalizations, and each one puts you deeper and deeper into the pit.
Part 2 to be continued.
By Pastor Duane VanderKlok
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